The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of a Link to the Awakening of Time Profile for Navi |
Name: Navi Age: a true lady never reveals her age Birthday: February 15 Astrological Sign: Aquarius Height: Jeez...is it even possible to get an exact number on this? Let's just say she's around 2". That's a rough estimate. Weight: Goddam, you're a nosey little bugger, aren't you? She weighs as much as five cotton balls put together. That's another rough estimate. Hair color: reddish-brown Eye color: They're so small, does it even matter? Eh, she's got blue eyes...I think. Location: hiding in Link's tunic pouch, and occasionally in his freshly ironed boxer shorts. Marital Status: single, but desires Link. Orlando Bloom dressed up as Link would suffice. |
Hobbies: buzzing around Link's head like a persistent mosquito, making fun of Zelda's dimwittedness, sculpting, ice skating, painting her nails, annoying Link, beating up other fairies who make an attempt to refill Link's heart containers, exploring the hidden crevices of the Great Deku Tree, leaving "presents"on Zelda's pillow, riding around on mice, checking her e-mail, and fantasizing about becoming a normal sized woman, so she could get her faerie freak on with Link. Pets: None. She is a pet. Occupation: part time Tinkerbell in stage productions of Peter Pan, full time micro-bitch. |
Short Biography: As far back as she could remember, Navi had absolutely no idea who her real parents were. All the nuns told her at the Faerie Nunnery for Sinful Adolescents was that she had been found abandoned stuck on a sheet of fly paper. So Navi lived out her early years at the nunnery, often fighting with the other faerie girls who were nowhere near as pretty as she was. Our mini-sized friend knew she was the most talented, beautiful, and nauseatingly cute girl in all of Kokiri Forest, and made damn well sure everyone else was aware of this. Eventually, when she had reached the tender age of twelve, she was expelled from the nunnery under mysterious circumstances involving a Kokiri boy, a pair of plyers, and a plunger. She managed to find a place to live under a bookshelf in some Kokiri chick's house, and immediately had to apply for a dreaded job. Her stunning good looks and personality were not going to find her an occupation all on their own. After living off dead beetles for a few weeks (not John and George), she received a call from the Deku Temp Agency. They were currently seeking fairies for job training. Deciding that table scraps were not exactly cutting it for her, Navi answered the call and made her way to the temp office, which was conveniently located inside the Deku Tree. That goddam tree even had a mall inside of it, for Christ's sake. Anyway, she was told that the agency was looking for fairies to take up the job of becoming a Kokiri child's destined faerie. |
First Navi balked at such a stupid task. Why the hell should she follow some dopey, prepubescent kid around? She was the prettiest faerie in all of Hyrule, dammit! Then she discovered that the pay was almost $20.00 an hour, and that changed everything. Two days after visiting the agency, the Great Deku Tree had given her the name and address of a young Kokiri boy who at ten years old, still had no stupid faerie. This was quite a strange occurrence in Kokirish culture, and the boy was made fun of and got rocks thrown at his head because of it. That very morning, Navi zipped her way through the forest and found the sleeping kid in his hut. |
Almost instantly she noticed the physical difference between this child and the other Kokiri children. He was a bit bigger than the majority of them, and his green tunic was already tearing at the seams. So she woke him up by buzzing in his ear, a custom which often scared the crap out of Kokiris and Hylians. After introducing herself and all that customary bullshit, she explained to the boy that he was instructed by the Deku Tree to visit him in the forest. The pair went off together and found the Deku Tree in his usual spot (hell, he wasn't going anywhere. He was a goddam tree!) and practically had the history of Hyrule explained to them in three minutes. Afterwards, it was revealed to the boy that he was to play a crucial role in the future of Hyrule, and that he was destined go on a journey to do something which had slipped the Deku Tree's mind at the moment. Unfortunately, Navi was to accompany Link, a fact which royally ticked her off. The boy was already annoying enough, especially when he burped and picked his nose in public. Anyway, they went on their legendary journey...yada, yada, yada, and ever since then, Navi has stood by Link's side. Well, err...not literally 'stood', since she's nowhere near his height. Tangents aside, Navi also managed to make herself the enemy of Princess Zelda, the object of Link's affections. She vowed to herself that she'd get that bitch one day. After all, she was the prettiest girl in all of Hyrule. |
