The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of a Link |
to the Awakening of Time |
Profile for Link |
Name: Link, the Hero of Time Age: 20 Birthday: April 12 Astrological Sign: Aries Height: 5'11" Weight: 173 lbs. Hair color: blonde Eye color: blue Location: Hyrule (Duh, where else?) Marital Status: single, but wants Zelda in the worst way |
Hobbies: beating up Moblins, repeatedly laying down the smack on Ganon, lusting after Zelda, playing "hot potato" with the Triforce of Courage (when he can find it), target practice (mostly people or random objects), daydreaming about Zelda, sticking the Master Sword in places it doesn't belong, rescuing Zelda, saving Hyrule and the rest of the universe at that, and overall being a dork. |
Pets: faerie named Navi and a horse named Epona. Zelda doesn't count. Occupation: The Hero of Time/sucker |
Short Biography: the town of Link's birth remains a mystery, although he knows his family died in a freak accident involving a pile of hay and a pyromaniac. Just before her death, his mother wandered into Kokiri forest while still on fire, and left her baby boy there to rot by the Great Deku Tree. Upon dropping dead at the scene, the freaky tree took the boy in and raised him among the impish Kokiri folk. The child's name was Link...at least, that's what his bib said it was. Anyway, as he grew up, Link never questioned his past. The entire time he thought he was a Kokiri, just like all his friends. Saria, his best friend, would often tell him stories about the Hylian people, who were regarded among Kokiri culture as large, oafish baboons who walked with aid of their knuckles. Oh yeah, she was also completely out of her gourd. Around the time Link was ten years old, he found out the dark truth behind the forest people. They owned a hard-core child pornography ring, and wanted Link to be a part of it. Seeing that this wasn't the way he wanted to spend his teenage years, the boy got the hell out of there, and along with his new pet faerie Navi, wandered off into the sunset. For almost a year he lived on his own, roaming from town to town, trying to find a decent place to stay or food to eat. It wasn't until that fateful day when he met Impa that he discovered his true destiny. He wasn't a Kokiri after all, but a true Hylian! And that wasn't even the best part. According to the prophecy of the hot Princess Zelda, he was the preordained hero of Hyrule! Not buying an ounce of that garbage for a moment, he debated on leaving the castle, but the Princess' pleas caused him to stay. Well, that wasn't the only thing that caused him to stay...he already had a thing for the Princess. Link decided to remain at the castle, and a short time later discovered that he was the true Hero of Time after all by removing the legendary Master Sword from its pedestal. Everyone was all happy...la de da, that is, everyone except Link's future arch-nemesis Ganon. The two met for the first time that day, and as Link grew up, met numerous other times. Princess Zelda developed a bad habit of getting kidnaped, as did the three Triforces of Courage, Wisdom and Power. What fortified the bond that the boy was the predestined hero was the fact that the Triforce of Courage took a great liking to him. Link would put his glowing, green pyramid- shaped thing on a leash and go for endless walks with it around the castle. Link defeated Ganon for the first time when he was thirteen years old, then about a thousand other times after that because the old goon couldn't take a hint. With his trusty Master Sword and shield in hand, and armed with his bow and a quiver of arrows, Link went on journey after journey, riding on his faithful, yet very tired, horse Epona that he stole from Lon Lon Ranch. Finally, Link managed to save Zelda for the umpteenth time and return all three Triforces back to Hyrule Castle. After accomplishing all of this at the mere age of twenty, he now spends his days at the palace, hanging out with his protégé Aaron and following Princess Zelda around everywhere, praying to the gods that she'll break down and marry him one day. |
The influence of the Kokiri on young Link is rather obvious. Only a XXX rated forest elf could come up with the idea to let a ten year old strut around in no pants and encourage him to "go commando". No wonder why Link got the hell out of there. |
Now here's what really goes on at Hyrule Castle during the night. But what is Zelda doing in Link's room, I wonder?... |
